A long-stretched road going from city to city, state to state, the streetlight’s lumpiness no more. The trees invade the roads, the stars stain the sky, guiding me back home.

Sitting, living in the fluid motions of the drive. Vibrations running from the tires to the seats. I sit, merriness covers my mind. The music fading to be nothing but lofied beats in the distance.

I close my eyes and step into another world, an abandoned world. A world that is lonely, yet comforts my lost mind, adrift in the world’s tears. Heart-spur jumps back into reality as the rumble strip awakens me back into the anxious vengeful world. My mind sinks back into reality, wishing it could fade, maybe vanish forever.

Just in my life, feeling the guilt and heavy burdens of regret that everything could have changed if I just didn’t. The music went static, the air grew cold and chilling as silence filled the world. Rubatosis twitching through my mind and my body; the thumping of my heart crescendos as the music returns.

I find myself on the brink of city lights, illuminating my car. As I drive through the city with sharp turns and the colorful lights running throughout the darkened night, I see myself stuck in a maze of my own reality as everything grows blurry and I become breathless.

Closing my eyes to open them, waking up in a blinding room filled with sunlight. The pale blue walls, the bare ceiling, the feeling of being held down.  My eyes feel dragged down, fatigue fills my body as it takes so much effort to just lift up my arm to reach for something, anything it lands on, my phone, I turn it on and stare at it with a blank state of mind.

I look at the time, then drop my phone resting my arm once more now knowing the rückkehrunruhe and all I felt is sick again, stressed and pressured to be someone else.

Pushing myself to move out of bed numbs my mind, a disconnection shakes me. Falling to my floor, it opens into the darkness that I’m absorbed into being. Lost and falling light lines the eyes of my mind, too; as a city forms, pressure increases in my lungs. The ground forming again, I brace myself with a sharp breath.

Darkness, a dim light outside my window, a car driving by as the rain falls outside, my ears ringing and my lungs gasping for air, my heart racing, my mind searching through a foggy world.

I find myself back here.

My room.

Alone.

Again.

Is this my reality, or another dream…Pinch myself? Stab myself? Slap myself? Explore?! How can I tell the difference between what is reality and what is not? I live just a life of unphased truth, not able to break out from it even from my own youth.

Growing up too quick, yet still dreaming. Is this reality? Or is it a dream?