The Student News Site of Brentsville High School

The Roar

The Student News Site of Brentsville High School

The Roar

The Student News Site of Brentsville High School

The Roar

Dear Roary

We offer a COMPLETELY ANONYMOUS advice column.  You can write in asking advice on anything from simple issues to serious issues…We have a great staff waiting to help you and give you advice!  WRITE IN!

~Disclaimer: You will remain anonymous, however, please note that anything you write that is a threat to yourself or to others must be reported to proper authorities.  Also, keep all questions and commentary school appropriate.  Any libelous content or otherwise offensive or crude content must be reported to administration. 

Thank you—The Roar Staff 




Dear Roary, 

My parents are divorced and have been for a few years. My mom is seeing someone now and I’m meeting him soon and I’m nervous. I don’t know if I’m ready to have another guy in my mom and I’s life. Am I being selfish? I am scared and upset at the same time. Am I crazy? What should I do?  

Dear Nervous Tiger, 

You aren’t crazy at all. It is totally understandable that you would feel this way. Change is really, really hard. In the past few years, you have experienced a lot of change with your parents’ divorceThis is a tricky situation. I’m sure that, on one hand, you value your mom’s happiness, but on the other hand, you are worried for yourself.  

The most important thing is to communicate your reservations to your mom. At the end of the day, she is going to make her own decisions. You should consider telling her how meeting the new guy makes you feel.  

If your mom allows it, you could even ask to not meet him. You could tell her that you aren’t ready. If you do ask this of her, consider her feelings. If she has been seeing this guy for a while, she must really like him. She may just want two of her favorite people to meet and I think that she is probably more nervous than you are especially if she sees a future with him. 

I don’t think that you are being selfish. Having said that, this guy may be making your mom truly happy. I’m sure that you want what is best for her. This guy could turn out to be amazing. Or not. And then, your mom may find someone else and you could go through this cycle again.  

If you’re worried about losing your mom, understand that as her kid, you are her number one priority and you are who she loves most in the world. No guy is going to change that. 

None of this is easy, and I know that. I’m sure that your mom is trying her best to make you happy, but also to find happiness herself.  

Hope this helps,  

Dear Roary, 

My crush (and friend) is dating my former bully and wouldn’t listen when I told him that it hurt me. 

 I’m assuming that he doesn’t know that you have a crush on him. That makes the situation more difficult. Obviously, bullying is unacceptable and there is never any excuse for that kind of behavior, but people change. She may be a completely different person now. I think that it’s important that you trust him.  

It is going to be painful to see him with someone who you hate. That just is what it is. By telling him that you don’t like this girl, you have made him hyper aware of the fact that she has been mean in the past. With that, he will be more sensitive to any unkind behavior from her now on.  

Having said that, by telling him that you don’t like her, you may have made him defensive.  When there is a problem between the two of them, he may not come to you with it. He could assume that you will say ‘I told you so’ and keep it from you. This will cause you to drift apart. If you give him support, he will come back to you when the relationship inevitably ends.  

As his friend, I think that you should embrace the girlfriend.  Act super sweet around her. If she is rude to you, ‘kill her with kindness.’ She will be shocked at the gesture and be taken off guard. (Between you and me, this is way pettier than being rude back.) Most bullies want a reaction, so don’t give her one.  

If the bulling is actively happening, you should report it to administration. 

I also think that you should invest time in other friendships and relationships. It is understandable that his dismissal of your comments regarding her bulling hurts you. I would take a step back from your friendship with him. Don’t end it, but I wouldn’t invest an excessive amount of energy in it either. 

Hope this helps,  


Dear Roary, Fake People! She acts sweet but she tries to steal my best friend! She dangles my BFF in front of me! 


In high school, female friendships are hard. They are clouded with drama and unnecessary divisiveness. My advice is to give this girl the benefit of the doubt. Have a ‘hypothesis of generosity,’ meaning, you should approach this situation expecting and hoping for the best. Assume that this ‘other girl’ is not operating from a place of meanness.  

This happened to me in middle school. I had been friends with my then best friend for at least 10 years. Another girl swooped in and ‘stole’ her from me. I absolutely hated this girl with every bone in my body. I found out a few months later that her family was going through a tough time. This “other girl’ wasn’t aiming to steal my best friend; she needed a support system, and she found that in my friend. 

Okay, here is where you might disagree with me: your BFF is not a property that can be stolen from you. Your friend is free to make her own decisions. This includes her friendships. You have to let her make her own decisions even if they make you sad. 

Also, it’s totally okay for friendships to meet their natural end. Maybe it’s time for you to move on. It isn’t healthy for you to be in a situation where you don’t feel wanted or welcome. This could be of huge detriment to your mental health; move on to some other people. (At BDHS there are tons of great people for you, I promise!) Understand, that I am not advising you to have a blowout fight with her. The most mature way for you to move on is to simply move on. Start hanging out with other people. If you sit with her at lunch, try out another table.  

It will get better, and soon enough, you will find your forever friends! 

Hope this helps,



Dear Roary,I would like advice on how to make a lot of money. To me, life is all about money because you can’t buy food or drinks without money. You need money to life in a house or buy an apartment. You can only make money by getting a job. 


Life is not all about money. Some of the richest people in the world are severely depressed. According to Forbes, depression occurs in CEOs at twice the rate of the general public. Having money shouldn’t contribute to your happiness. While yes, you want to be comfortable in your life, and in a place where you don’t have to worry about where your next meal is coming from, nothing about having money contributes to human fulfillment.  

Human connection and the fostering of the relationships around you is what life is all about. What I do to fulfill my life is volunteering. Yes, I know that by definition, volunteering is not financially beneficial to you, but I really think that that would make you happier. 

Next, there are plenty jobs around Nokesville and in Bristow that hire teenagers. Apply to a couple of stores and restaurants to make some cash. (Most jobs don’t hire students until they are 16.)  

Hope this helps,



Dear Roary, I’m having problems with my boyfriend. He wants a more serious relationship and wants me to meet his parents, but I just don’t feel ready for that. However, I don’t want to hurt him by saying that. What should I do?  


If you feel uncomfortable meeting your boyfriends’ parents, you don’t have to. How you feel is completely understandable; things like this makes many people nervous. You should have a conversation with him, so he can understand how you feel. If he wants something that you are not ready for be sure to let him know that. If he still doesn’t understand what you are trying to say you can make the choice whether you want to stay in the relationship.   

Hope this helps, 



 DEAR ROARY: I live in what I feel is a toxic household. I may be overreacting, but I feel my step father is semi-abusive. Don’t get me wrong. He doesn’t do anything illegal. He is cold and distant. He acts like he doesn’t care about me. Sometimes if I say “Hello” he doesn’t say anything back to me. He ignores me. He used to go to my school events, but lately he doesn’t go anymore. Most days, I dread seeing him at home. On the weekends, I try to stay the night at my friend’s house to avoid him. I don’t understand. It’s like everything I do, I get criticized. He’s always nit-picking me. It’s like I can’t do anything right. However, I am respectful to him. I don’t talk back or cuss or have a tone with him. I do chores every week. I am responsible. But I am not perfect. One time before school I was in a rush afraid, I’d miss the bus, I forgot to wipe the counter—there were a few crumbs left behind. When I came home that day, he left me a note “wipe counters!” And later he was kind of a jerk to me. Over crumbs? It seems ridiculous to me and unfair. I am frustrated. Honestly, I feel like he doesn’t care about me or what I think, and he never listens to me. What should I do?   


In your question you blame yourself a lot; however, none of it is your fault if you are respectful towards him and do everything you’re told. If you feel that home is toxic, you should talk to someone you trust and feel comfortable around. You didn’t mention any other family members. If it is only your stepfather, you may consider telling him how you feel and explain that you feel he doesn’t care about you. Your letter said that he used to go to your school event but has stopped. Perhaps there is something else off about him; he could be going through a rough time and just be taking it out on you, but either way you should not feel unsafe to the point that you don’t even want to be at your own house. If nothing else works you should go to the counselor, I know you probably don’t want to hear this but I they will know how to handle this better than anyone else. Focus on yourself and things that make you happy.   

Hope this helps,   



Dear Roary, how do I get a boyfriend?  


The key to getting a boyfriend is being yourself, there is someone for everybody. If you are yourself, eventually you will find someone that is perfect for you. If you like someone and you are trying to find a way into their life you may need to ‘shake things up a bit’ and let him know that you are interested.  You should be assertive, show that you are trying to communicate. ‘Shoot your shot’, don’t wait on him to contact you, take initiative and you will be shocked by the results.    

Hope this helps,    



Dear Roary, Should I dog sit?  


You should definitely dog sit if you want to. Dog sitting would be a great and easy way to make money. Especially during the holidays because most families travel so now would be a perfect time to start. If dog sitting becomes your part time job, you get decide when you want to work. This way you will still have time to hang out with your friends and do other things. This can be a good way to became mature and responsible you will have to do everything for the dog such as walking, feeding, and cleaning up after it. Dog sitting can be a rewarding way to make money. 

Hope this helps,  



Dear Roary, I have eating issues. I throw up sometimes. I have tried everything. No one understands. (This post has been edited for confidentiality.)  


In a time like this, the most important thing that you can do for yourself is to seek help. 1-800-931-2237 is the national hotline number for eating disorders. With this, you can contact professionals who are trained to deal with eating disorders. The line is totally anonymous. Also, I am a big believer in therapy. It changed my life, and if you go to sessions it will change yours. I understand how difficult this is for you. I sympathize greatly and I want you to know that you are valued and absolutely wonderful. 

Hope this helps,



Dear Roary, I’m really struggling with senioritis at a really bad time. College application deadlines are coming up fast, so how can I find my motivation again? 


Senioritis is an epidemic in the public education system. My definition of senioritis, of which there are many variations, is that one is bored, overworked, and tired. Every day, you wake up and do the same thing. You wake up at a ridiculous time, go to school for hours, and go home to work through stacks of homework. I totally get it. Everyone gets it!  

First, regardless of where you go to college, it will be a huge change. The boredom you feel now will vanish entirely. For now, honestly, there isn’t a great solution. Fall sports are about to end, so winter sports are beginning. You could go out for one of our teams. Obviously, I don’t know you and you could quite possibly hate sports, but our swim team is super accepting and its great exercise. There are a few clubs starting in the winter as well. Clubs and sports are a great way to meet new people and ‘shake things up’. It would be your best bet to check our activities page on the BDHS website for meeting and try out dates. 

Most seniors feel trapped and being stuck in the same place for 4 years sucks. So, try to switch up the smaller things in your life, if doing a sport or club isn’t available to you. Things like listening to a new playlist, changing the comforter on your bed, getting a new phone case, or going for a daily walk can really help.  

If your problem isn’t based on boredom and its more school based, take a break. I promise, not finishing one math worksheet occasionally, isn’t the end of the world. Don’t get me wrong, do your homework, but also get some rest. 

You will be motivated to do your college applications if you if you get excited about college. Ask your parents to take you on campus tours of the schools you’re considering attending. When you’re back home filling out applications, you will remember how you felt about certain schools and be motivated to finish them.  

 Hope this helps,